I Have A Question

I have a few questions about toilet paper. Who designs toilet paper? What are those development meetings like? Are the ridges on toilet paper engineered for maximum cleaning ability or is it merely there for aesthetics?

"I like ridges."
"Bumps are more efficient."
"Smooth and soft paper protects sensitive tushies."

I did not do any research. I do not actually want to know. I prefer the uninformed guess work.

Do the researchers take their work home with them?
"Kids, we are trying something new for the next few days. Single-ply. So ease up on the fruit."

Or, is all the work done on the job? I am now trying to imagine what the cubicles look like. A desk, telephone, computer, a toilet. Maybe a sink to wash up. Oh, and some magazines. Magazines such as Home Decor, Rolling Stone or Sports Illustrated. And some lilac air freshener.

Why hasn't Swiffer entered into the toilet paper market? They already have the disposable single use dusters and floor cleaners. What I am suggesting is a combination of the two. Perhaps some R and D into the micro-fibre angle for a soft comfortable clean to your bottom.


  1. It's a shitty job but I guess someone's gotta do it.

    1. But it is a big industry and industry needs to know it is good for the bottom line.

  2. Love what dufus wrote! I tell you what... this puffy soft stuff... it won't flush in my old home. When I was young we went to Italy and all the TP there was ROUGH. And you know what? IT DID THE JOB! I say let's all learn from Italy!

    1. A lady promoting rough toilet paper? I never thought I'd see the day.

    2. What can we say Indigo, Katherine likes it rough.