Restroom? More like Work Room

Using the public restroom takes some preparation. The word restroom is perhaps a misnomer as there is little rest with all the necessary preparation. The first step requires you to ensure the stall door is properly locked behind you - we must avoid the door swinging open whilst the jeans are around the knees.

Next, you must carefully lower the toilet seat with your shoe. For, should your hand come in direct contact with the seat you may acquire a full blown case of the cooties.

Next, grab a wad of toilet paper to wipe the seat - as the previous user may have missed the hole and wet the surface. As the saying goes, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I say it counts for the guy who keeps missing the bowl and pisses on the toilet seat.

After carefully wiping the throne, discard the moist wad in the bowl. The wad of paper may not cover the entire surface area of the water. And this is important, if the entire surface is not covered when you start your business, and things do fall, an unwanted splash may be the result. Picture for example, jumping off the high diving board in cannon ball fashion and the invariable splash that ensues. Now picture this, albeit on a smaller scale, with the toilet water splashing your bumbum.

Next is the toilet seat, protect your sensitive bottom from the heavily used public seat by placing a toilet seat cover on the seat. If not available, doubling up some toilet paper will also do the trick. Next, it is on to your business. Hope you brought some good reading material! I recommend light reading, perhaps short stories by Jeffrey Archer or the latest issues of The Walking Dead. Or if more time is required, a Stephen King novel such as The Stand or The Dome. Happy flushing! Don't forget to wash up!


Double Cassette Deck

Sitting in my den the other day, it suddenly dawned on me, I have a double cassette deck. It's not that I didn't know I had one. It is just that the realization suddenly hit me. For what ungodly purpose do I need a double cassette deck today? I thought about it for a while and in purely functional terms
  • I can dub one tape to another, 
  • I can record a song from the radio,
  • I can even record each one of my CDS on to tape.
For what reason, I do not know.
Pioneer Dual Cassette
I bought my stereo in 1995. It's a good one. Not top of the line (and hardly state of the art in 2012). But it is very good. I had extra cash from a severance package, wanted to spend it, and needed a stereo. Needed. The era called for a receiver, cassette deck, and CD player. I regret not getting a turntable. Albums last so much longer than cassettes, are more collectible and, I still have some 400-500 in my collection. I got rid of about 500.  With a little more foresight...
Pioneer Receiver
Cassettes were more portable but did not last repeated use. And they are too difficult to queue to the right song, unlike albums or CDs. Does anyone remember the supposed replacement of cassettes? The DAT (Digital Audio Tape). Yes. The same crap and shortcomings of a traditional cassette tape yet they last forever. (Truth be told, the recording on DATs is superior to that of CDs, providing a cloned copy of the audio.)

Putting things in further perspective, in '95 I had a car with a tape deck. So, if I wanted to to listen to my CDs, I had to record them on to tape. Furthermore, most of my old radio airchecks and demos are on cassette. I should digitize these before I lose them.
Once I do I will have no need for the tape deck. Unless, purely as a hobby, I record each one of my CDs on to tape.

This is a selective list of cassette tapes I own

Mr. Mister Rush Robert Palmer
Bob Marley Jethro Tull The Travelling Wilburys
Billy Idol Tom Waits The Lost Boys soundtrack
Kate Bush Del Amitri Extreme
The Cult Bonnie Raitt Iggy Pop
Hothouse Flowers John Mellencamp The Eagles
Texas Robert Cray Pearl Jam
Los Lobos Robbie Robertson Violent Femmes
Talking Heads Midge Ure Prince
Emerson Lake and Powell The Police J.J. Cale
Steve Winwood Van Halen A-Ha


I Forget

It's been a rough 24 hours. It started off with forgetting to give my girlfriend food and leaving it in my trunk overnight. Then, this morning I walked down five flights of stairs before remembering I left my ID badge for work on my dresser. I had to go back up to my condo. On the way back down, I realized my phone was on my dining room table. Back upstairs I went. This time I took the elevator.

About an hour after I arrived at work, at 9:05AM, my agenda started to flash reminding me of my 9:00 o'clock appointment at the body shop. On the other side of town.

All day Monday and then again on Tuesday one of my staff kept reminding me to complete a report for my bosses. As I started working on it something seemed all too familiar. I checked and realized I had already completed the report Friday last.

I did remember that this is my four month anniversary. So baby, if you are reading this while waiting for me to pick you up for our monthaversary date, that I forgot about, I'm sorry. I should be there within the next hour or two. Just as soon as my agenda starts flashing.


Buy A Vowel

I had a recent email exchange with some business partners. I cracked myself up. You may have heard of the adage, 'know your audience'. My audience is me. I make myself laugh all the time. I write this blog for me. I just hope there are more people like me out there. The email exchange went something like this.

George: "Shawn, Thank you for the information. It was terrific news to receive. The team appreciated it all the more at month end and prior to the weekend. I was wandering if you had last minute Easter hour instructions to share? We are off on Good Friday and Saturday but working Monday."

Douglas: "Shawn, George tends to be 'wandering' when he's 'wondering'! lol"

Shawn: "My ex said I had a wandering eye. I corrected her and told her it was only wondering."

Perhaps this line will become a well known adage as well.

Hockey Pool Trash Talk

The long NHL season is finally over. For those of you who entered into a hockey pool in this 2012 season it's time to collect your winnings or, to pay up. In my case, it's about collecting all that hard earned money. Because, you see, I finished in first place. I won.

I destroyed the competition and humiliated my opponents.
We started this pool some six years ago. It was an offshoot of another pool that started two decades ago. Some of these guys I have known since my university days. Some I have only met in the last couple years. Whichever way you slice it, I beat their sorry asses. And now on to the trash talking.

Peter is one of the originals, we go way back some 20 something years. Peter finished in second place. He wins silver. He won the second place prize. So what does this mean? It means that Peter is the number one loser. Imagine if Andrei Markov had played half the season. You could have won. You have the foresight of an NHL G.M.. Too bad it's that of Pierre Gauthier.

Ralph is another old-timer who has been around since the beginning. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride, Ralph finishes in third place. He may have won before. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I won this year. Every single one of those three points that P.A. Parenteau scored for you were hard earned points.

Dave was in first place. Once. A long time ago. On October 20th. Two weeks into the season. Your team was not bad this year. It just wasn't good enough to win any money.

Rob? Serious? A rookie as your first overall pick? This isn't 1984. Super Mario is long gone. Red Wings in final round? Excellent choice.

Ian, perhaps the burden of marriage and children have effected your winning ways. Or not. But that was some good food on draft night. For every lousy Chris Pronger and Matt Duchene pick, you did take Philadelphia in the final round.

I will take it easy on Shaun. Even though he spells his name wrong. This was his first year in a hockey draft. This man knows hockey. All it takes is for you to do your homework and prepare. That way, next year, after every second pick you won't hear each of us ask "Who?' or, "Isn't he playing in the Swedish Elite League this year?"

Ric, Ric, Ric. The season started on October 6th. You were in first place on October 7th. You dropped out of contention on October 8th. Injuries decimated your team. We will still let you back next year.

Now where's my money? I have to start preparing for the 2013 NHL hockey season. 

Hockey Pool Final Standings


A Love Story

Six months is not a long time. Three months is especially not a long time.

It takes six months to learn your job, to understand all the ins and outs.
It takes six months to learn how to drive a stick, to the point that you are just cruising.

It takes six months to get to know someone.

How long does it take to fill a bowl with water? It depends. When that bowl is your relationship, how do you know if it is full?

Relationships take time. Enjoy your time together. Use that time to get to know one another through every stage; lust, attraction and then attachment.

If you are with the person now, have decided that after three months that they are the one, then it is no more a waste of time to wait six months than it is to spend time with them now. The time together is a fraction of the years you will spend with each other. You will still be together - so there is no time misspent.

It may be quicker for one of the couple to learn that you are compatible. It may take longer for the other. Either way, no one is wrong or right.

And you need to respect that difference.

Initially you are attracted to who it is you think they are and it is only as time goes by that you truly understand who that person is. This is not a good thing or bad thing. It just is.

There are no time limits, rules, requirements or time frames.

The natural tendency is to assume that people are who they say they are and who they appear to be. You can learn facts but a person is so much more than that. You also have an impression of their character. People in general, from one to the next, are inconsistent.

Not all conclusions can accurately be drawn from discussions. One needs to verify words with deeds and actions. One needs to verify deeds and actions with words.

Only in a committed relationship do you have the opportunity to discover who someone is. Time together is fulfilling. Time away from each other, you are missed but the feeling of fulfillment remains.

Your relationship is based on a respect and devotion motivated by none other but your partner; a heart-pumping, breath-taking, earth-shattering overall body sensation when this person walks in the room.
You develop an awareness that you would gladly give up just about anything and perhaps everything to keep this person safe and happy.

After talking to my best friend I added this concluding line.
Be open, communicate and tell them what you are thinking.


Movie Trailer: Ted

Ted is Real
Mark Wahlberg plays John, a normal guy from Boston whose best friend is a Teddy Bear come to life. The 27 year teddy-human relationship creates a strain when John meets his true love played by Mila Kunis. Ted is Seth MacFarlane's first foray into live action

He was previously known for Family Guy, Cleveland Show and American Dad and rumoured to be at the helm of a Flintstones reboot for FOX television.
With very little advanced marketing, this film has erupted in the last couple days. Apart from Wahlberg and Kunis, Ted also stars Seth MacFarlane and Giovanni Ribisi. Look for a July 2012 release in a theatre near you.

Ted is real, Wahlberg, MacFarlane


Top 6 Rod Stewart Songs

Rod Stewart,  Every Picture Tells A Story
Rod Stewart wore many faces in his long recording career. As lead singer of The Faces, or the first incarnation of The Jeff Beck Group, and as a solo artist, Rod the Mod hit super-stardom through his rock and roll classics and simple pop tunes.

Jeff Beck Group
Performing with the iconic Jeff Beck and that group that bared his name, they explored British rock and dabbled in the Blues. The first album produced the classic instrumental Beck's Bolero and Shapes of Things.
Together with Ronnie Wood, Stewart left the JBG and joined The Faces. The Faces five albums each come across as lengthy rockin' blues jam sessions. While Wood went off to join the Rolling Stones in 1975, Stewart continued to pursue a solo career. He continued to perform and tour with The Faces while performing and promoting his solo work.

Rod Stewart
The late 70s saw Stewart delve into the disco scene, becoming one of the first main stream rockers to succeed on the disco charts. Based on record sales many people were turned on to Stewart's music with the dance tinged Do You Think I'm Sexy. Many others believe he became a disco sellout in the 70s and later a pop sellout in the 80s and into the new century with his American Songbook reproductions.
With his raspy voice, in his youth Rod had the range to sing the blues, rock-and-roll or a tender ballad. In his elder days, Stewart would be envious of the vocal range of a Leonard Cohen.

Incredibly talented and a great performer to this very day here are the Top Six songs of Rod Stewart's musical career.

Plynth (Water Down the Drain)  Jeff Beck Group, 1969 "Beck-Ola"
Gasoline Alley Rod Stewart 1970 "Gasoline Alley"
Around The Plynth The Faces 1970 "First Step"
Maggie May Rod Stewart 1971 "Every Picture Tells A story"
You Wear It Well Rod Stewart 1972 "Never A Dull Moment"
Tonight's The Night Rod Stewart 1976 "A Night On the Town"

Due to the usual copyright restrictions, these were the only songs I could load here.

Rod Stewart with the Faces, Around The Plynth from 1970s First Step.

Rod Stewart solo Maggie May from the 1971 release Every Picture Tells A story


Anchorman 2

Run Burgundy (Will Ferrell), San Diego's favorite Anchorman, made a surprise appearance on Conan to jam with the band, and announce a sequel to Anchorman. I guess it will be called Anchorman 2: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy's Return. Judd Apatow and the rest original cast are rumoured to be in the sequel.

Anchorman 2