Turkey Fraud

I got a call yesterday from Norman. Norman works for a butcher shop. Norman told me that my wife ordered smoked turkey over the holidays and the credit card did not go through. Norman had my last name, he had my address and he had my cell phone number. Okay.
I asked him all sorts of questions, and he told me he would call back. Fine.
I was just having some fun at that point since I never order from a butcher and I am not married. As a matter of fact, I live alone.

Norman called me back today. I asked him for his number, how long has he been working there, more questions about the supposed order, what was the exact name on the order, what unit number? I still can't figure out if he is stupid or a scam artist.

"Norman", I said, "You are either too stupid to do your job or the worst fraud artist in the world.
"No, wait a second", I corrected myself, "Either way, you are a fucking idiot. You are either calling the wrong person or are the worst fraud artist ever."

"Now hold on there," Norman replies in a huff.
"Don't use the F word. There is no fraud. This is an established company that has been in business for 55 years."
Phone Busters - Report it.

So you don't mind that I am calling you a fucking idiot? You just don't want me to question the integrity of you or your company by calling it fraud? Fucking idiot.

As if to intimidate me, he said he would send the driver. I told him I wouldn't recommend it as that's just going to open all sorts of other problems. But, if he insists on sending someone, send them in an ambulance because that's the way they will leave here.

That gave Norman pause for thought.
"Let me check the information with the office and I will call you back."

The thing that doesn't add up with all this? He called my cell phone, which is not listed. So either he got my name from someone I know, or a company with which I do business.

My building is filled with people over the age of 65. I am by far one of the youngest people in the building. There may be a couple other 30 and 40-somethings. As there are so many older people, this place is ripe for scam artists. I get quite a few calls. The security guards keep them from knocking on my door.
Scam Alert

A couple weeks ago I got the call from the east Asian guy from "Microsoft" who detected a problem with my PC. Really? "Why are you calling from outside bubba?"
He then closed what sounded like a car door.

I peppered him with questions. He wouldn't give me any straight answers. He wanted access to my PC. I told him if he detected a problem, he must have my IP address. So let's confirm what you have.

He started saying, "Your IP address is..."
And mysteriously the line cut. Fucking idiot.

Now I really want that driver to show up.


  1. It's really scary how much info is out there about us and available to every fucking fraudster around. I have an aversion to telephones and rarely answer mine figuring whoever it is will leave a message if it's important. Much of the time I just hear a click and I know... Asshole.

  2. Jayne,
    I'm suspicious by nature & I like arguing so it makes for a good combination.

  3. Oh, um, did I forget to mention I ordered a turkey for you for the holidays? Surprise!

  4. Nicky, we're married? I should have clued in when he said it was my wife that ordered the turkey.

  5. I must be hungry, because all I can think about is the smoked turkey.

    1. Now I am thinking of smoked turkey! With spicy mustard!