Funniest Quotes of the Year

Here is part two of the best and funniest quotes of the year. Thus far. (Part 1 is here). Not exactly a top ten list, but a list of the funniest tweets, comments and funny status updates I have seen on the internet, be it the Facebook or the MySpace or the Twitter.

Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.
Joshua Allen 2009

Guys want to have sex with our boobs now? When did vaginas get so boring?
Whitney Cummings April 2011

Why did the 4 babies get thrown out of the bar? Cause they're just 4 stupid fucking little babies. Shitty fucking babies.
Louis C.K. March 2011

I just want to wish everyone happy holidays for december of 2007. I didn't have twitter then.
Louis C.K. April 2011

Looking good naked is such a gift. Can't wait till your birthday!
Mitch Fatel May 2011

I went through (a) phase where I only had sex with Mexican guys. God, I loved my señor year.
Morgan Murphy May 2011

Alec Baldwin for Mayor of NYC? If he runs as Jack Donaghy - I'll send a check right fucking now.
Denis Leary June 2011

To speak in my dad's computer language, I'd like to wish him a FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Happy Father's Day!
Jenny Johnson June 2011

It's hard to imagine that before electricity, people had to check Twitter by candlelight.
Robin McCauley June 2011

Thinking about going to my high school reunion so people can see that you don't need to be married or have kids to be depressed.
Robin McCauley June 2011

Yesterday was longest day of the year, not just because of the Summer Solstice but because I had to have lunch with my girlfriend’s parents.
Jimmy Carr June 2011

Can you believe Tom Cruise is nearly 49? Sorry, I mean 4’ 9”.
Jimmy Carr June 2011

The best thing about arguments is the make up sex.
That's why I hate arguments with my parents.

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