Quotes of the Year : Best So Far

Browsing through various Tweets and Facebook status updates I have here the funniest quotes of 2011. I was going to wait until the middle of the year to post this but there are just too many funny quotes. I will publish another list in a few months. I grabbed these from people I follow on Twitter or in one or two cases from Facebook status updates. Speaking of which you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, feedburner... click the buttons to the right.

"Children shouldn't talk to strangers. Not because strangers are dangerous, but because children are incapable of meaningful conversations."
Alison Agosti January 1

"Great idea for CNN, who's tanking and who's demo is 90% elderly: Replace all programming w videos of grandchildren."
Sarah Silverman January 18

"The cashier at Costco asked me "wanna box?" so I punched her in the face. I don't know what she was crying about, she started it."
Glenn Mallen Feb 8

"Can’t wait to watch the Superbowl tomorrow. GO ROUGH RIDERS!"
Steve Martin Feb 12

"Justin Bieber is on our Valentine’s Day show tonight! So legally, Andy has to sit 50 feet from the couch."
Conan O'Brien Feb 14

"Computers may beat us at Jeopardy, but us humans are still better at racism and smoking."
Seth MacFarlane Feb 23

"Would you freak out if I told you I was tweeting this from inside your closet?"
Conan O'Brien Feb 24

"My thoughts and prayers are with Charlie Sheen tonight, as he's been diagnosed with Full Blown Busey."
Sarah Silverman March 3

"Great, I just texted my uncle that I’m still mad he “roped” me. Thanks a lot, AutoCorrect!"
Seth MacFarlane March 4

"Puppy Mill is too cutesy for what it is. It's like saying hawacaust."
Sarah Silverman March 29

"A guy cut me off in traffic, and I called him a stupid f***. My kids asked what that meant, and I told them it means he can’t f***ing drive."
Conan O'Brien April7

"The NBA playoffs are about to begin and no one is more excited than the Cavs who can finally stop losing."
Norm Macdonald April 14

"Someone should make a beer called Mondays, then getting a case of the Mondays would not be so bad."
Beer Advocate April 19

Click here for part two.


  1. Priceless. I just choked on a mouthful of hot coffee. Love the Seth McFarland quote about people being better at racism and smoking and Conan's quip about Andy having to sit 50' away from the couch.

  2. Jayne, I love those spitting-out-beverage-laughing moments.

  3. Sarah Silverman is on some kinda roll. But then, she's always quotable.

  4. Silverman is always funny. Well, except for that time she was on Star Trek.

  5. That Costco one is hilarious. Who is Glen Mallen? I can't find any of his stuff???

    1. Glen Mallen is a good father, a good husband and all round swell guy. Just ask him.
      And he is funny too.