I thought of so many alternative titles for this post. Bind Date Mistake. Fool Me Once. Coffee, Tea, or Flee. A Bad Date Compendium. Things not to say on a first date. I was even thinking of creating a weekly series focusing on the bad dates I have had over the years.
I have been a bad first date. So if you wish, wherever you read 'she' in the post, replace it with 'he' and it should apply somewhere or sometime for you. I have never hit anyone up for cash though.
There was the time on my way to pick up my date I went to the wrong address. Twice. In the time before cell phones I had to find a phone booth and call my date to get the correct address. Twice. If the date went well it would have been a cute story to tell our kids. As it didn’t, I’m the idiot who showed up an hour late and went to the wrong house. Twice. By the time we got to the coffee shop she was so annoyed, there was no chance for recovery.
What does it mean when a lady tells me before we meet, 'I saw a picture of you. You don't know what I look like. Don't run away when you see me.' What am I supposed to think? Is this low self esteem? Is she unattractive? I've heard this or something similar more than once.
Things not to say on a first date:
-My parents are parking the car. They'll be here in a minute.
-How much does your mum weigh? I want to know what I am getting myself into.
-Can you give me a minute? I told my dog I would call him.
What about blind date set ups? The idea is to match personality and looks. And by looks I also mean body type. Say, for example, Party A – Male, athletic, 5'10", 165 pounds. Party B – Female, 5'3", 270 lbs.
I was told that she was cute. The scowl on her face sort of ruined that. I was told, she was really sweet. Personality? Nooo. Blood sugar? Perhaps.
My point has more to do with compatible characteristics than looks. You don’t match someone who works out four times a week with someone who may take the stairs four times a year. I am no longer 165 pounds. Come to think of it, I’m no longer 5'10".
Another time I gave a friend of mine hell because his wife made him set me up with a friend of hers. I didn’t appreciate the fact that he wouldn’t stand up and say this was a bad match.
Met a lady one New Year’s Eve. Funny, quirky, pretty and a little odd. We talked (only), exchanged phone numbers and went our separate ways. I called her up a couple days later to go on a date, which went well enough, her quirky personality came out a little more but nothing extreme. The deal breaker? I leaned in to kiss her goodnight and she quickly pulled back saying, “I haven’t had my test results back from my doctor yet, so I better not kiss you,”
She called me two days later wanting to know if we could meet up.
At this point I didn’t care if she got good news, didn't want to know about the test results, what she was being tested for, or ever seeing her again.
So, back to my blind date of the other night. No horror stories. Nice lady, ten years younger than me, similar background, a few things in common, just not my type. Back to the drawing board. I could try eharmony, or lavalife or jdate, a bookstore, or move to another city. Did you ever worry that you would run out of people to date? I'm no Charlie Harper but the thought occurred to me when I got set up on a blind date with a girl I had dated two years prior. Yes, it went just as bad as the first time around.