Stooopid Internet Service Provider

I have been trying to post for the last three days but my stupid internet service provider has been all screwy and pages will not load properly. I did my own troubleshooting and determined there was nothing wrong with my computer, modem or router. Only then did I call my ISP for help. I basically told them to get their fucking act together.

The tech guru on the other end starts by asking me to verify if the wires are firmly plugged in. I ask him if he is serious. He then asks me to reboot my computer. I told him no. He then asks me to reset my modem, I told him I already did that and does he think I would be calling if that was the problem. He then wants me to bypass the router and plug my PC direct to the modem. I humour him. He resets the modem at his end. He checks other users in my building. He cannot determine the problem.
Then my idiot ISP "technician" on the other end of the phone said he will have to send someone as it is not my computer and it is not at their end.. He will send the technician over in four days. Four freaking days?! I told him forget it. Send him now.

That didn't work.

But, he insisted, it isn't a problem at their end. What else could I do? I tried to tell him how important it was that I access the internet but I just could not make porn sound important enough.
But then I remembered, I was supposed to do some work from home. So I told him it was urgent because I have to do some work from home.
He was more interested in my porn story.

I currently have a cable internet connection. Most of the time it is fast. But at least once every two months the line goes down. I find this unacceptable. The problem is my condo association signed an exclusivity contract with the provider. The company also offers DSL. Or I can say screw you and go wireless.
This is not normal...

So, in the end I gave up. I went out for the afternoon. Upon my return, lo and behold, my internet is running faster than Randy Quaid fleeing the United States (topical humour). So, of course, the problem wasn't at their end (sarcasm). The house-elf Dobby (topical reference) magically fixed the connection and it had nothing to do with the ISP.
The Usual...


  1. It sounds like the dreaded "Windows" virus.

    You need to uninstall Windows immediately and install Linux.

  2. Duh, okay, Mike.

    The technician is supposed to be here on Wednesday. I'll wait a couple more days until I decide to cancel or not.

  3. I get completely bat.shit.crazy when my internet doesn't work properly!

    Loved the Randy Quaid reference!

  4. Internet connection is still sooo slow. It has to be the modem. I'm trying to check out the World Series score and it is taking forever. And then I remembered, TV. Right, it's on TV.

  5. Internet is finally fixed!! Six freaking days! Now I have to think of something new to post.